Main Page > 1996 Riding US 12 - Operation: Denigrate Democrats >
Old Sauk Trail is the old Indian trail between Detroit and Chicago (now the Chicago Road or U.S. 12), which saw great numbers of pioneers bound for Illinois and other parts of what was then the "far west." Wanting to try a "Charles Kuralt-style road trip rather than taking the boring old freeway system where the Boys decided to run like the Indians !!
Mike and Bone Breaking their fast on Route 66 !!
The boys broke their fast at an Au Bon Pain right on Michigan Avenue. As the Boys enjoyed their croissants and coffee outside on the warm summer morning, Bone noticed the "Route 66 Start Here" sign, there and then the Boys threw down the gauntlet that one day they would be back to take the ultimate road trip.... Route 66 !!! However on that day, they decided that they needed more culture than just rotted milk and headed off to the Art Institute of Chicago to lend an ear to Van Gogh !
Would Mike and Bone pay Money for Monet ?!?!
The Boys spent the next couple hours mocking Monet and reflecting Warhol's Campbell's Soup Painting. They were both impressed by Edward Hopper's Nighthawks, and the infamous American Gothic painting. After a couple of hours of perusing the paintings the Boys feared becoming too cultured and did not want to start walking around in black turtlenecks and French berets, so left to start the loong drive downtown Detroit on US-12.
The Boys left the Art Institute and boogied on down Michigan Avenue, past Soldier Field and on to South Chicago through some very gamey-looking neighbourhoods.
Sniffing Soap?! As the Boys drove through the South Side, they smelled something ,,,it was unusual ,, and well clean !! It was a Soap Factory on the south which smelled much better than what the Boys encountered next.
Grossed out and Gagging in Gary
The Grungy Gary City Hall
As the Boys crossed the border into Indiana they noticed the dreaded orange cloud of non-breathable gas known to the rest of civilization known as Gary. as the Steel Capital of the US, Gary is known for its highly un-breathable air. As Mike and Bone rolled up their windows and choked and gagged on a odour that smelled like dog vomit, dirty socks, rinsed in garlic and sulphur, they wondered how people lived in the houses they were driving by ?!?!
Idling through Indiana
Finally, the Boys made it through the toxic orange cloud gagging and tear-choked into a bucolic patch of road just south of Lake Michigan. Airing out the car and their lungs they stopped for a 6-pack to relieve themselves of the trauma, or at least that was their excuse !!
Meandering into Michigan
As the beers and meaningless miles flowed, the Boys returned to Eastern Standard Time and the Great Lake State around 4:00 PM only to face three hours of country roads ahead, which necessitated another stop for drainage and replenishment of the Hall of Shame !
Farm combines everywhere in South Western Michigan
While travelling the pastoral setting, two truths were discovered that afternoon, there are many, many, many exciting places in the world, and south-western Michigan ain't one of them !!
Coldwater Pizza !?!
By 5:00 the Boys were getting hungry as well as bored, and there ain't nothing better for ex-pizza makers than Pizza !!! Stopping in Coldwater at a local Pizza shop, the Boys met the owners, and soon knew all about the pregnant under-age daughter the crazy grandma, how hard it was to run a business, all while waiting for their pizza !!! Despite the soap opera, the pizza was very good, the Boys munched pie and slurped brews through Kazoo and Battle Creek, through Jackson County.
Sailing thru Saline
As the day waned into night the Boys decided to abandon the remainder of the Trip Downtown and head into Ann Arbor for a nightcap at the Boys Football hangout, Good Time Charley's, where they spent the remainder of the Night in relative quiet after a raucous evening and looooong drive from Chicago.
The next morning Bone drove Mike back to Grand Rapids, listening for any changes in the Polls based on their attack on the Donkey's. Sadly, it simply wasn't enough, Billy Bob was easily re-elected, thus ending the 1996 tour.