Main Page > 1989 Dancin on a Volcano Tour >
Lesson Learned # 6034.1: Why you shouldn't talk to strangers in a Diner at 6:30 in the Morning
Dickering with total strangers. Is truly one of Mike and Bone's favorite past times, unfortunately it led to a very weird encounter with a self proclaimed "dude", that was claiming to the boys that the world was going to end soon.......Which exactly what you do not want to hear before you've had your coffee and eggs! So Mike and Bone both strongly suggested that the "dude" either:
a. Shuffle off,
b. Shuffle off the mortal coil,
c. Have sex with himself (very paraphrased !),
or d. Have Mike and Bone, (who were about to help) shuffle him off of the mortal coil, while having sex with himself.
The "dude" took their suggestion and shuffled off, leaving Mike and Bone, who were left to finish their eggs, while pondering the fate of the human gene pool!
Oh !!!, So that's what fresh air smells like! After the dubious dickering, the boys left the diner well-fed and "well-coffee'ed". Stopping to view the scenic Columbia River Gorge, they noticed the ever-present smell of pine, and sea air, truly unlike any air they ever noticed in downtown Detroit near the Ford Rouge Plant !! So?? this was fresh air !! While pondering the moment they realized that it was now 7:00 AM, and with full tummies and clear heads from the fresh air it was time to start drinking a few Rainer Pale and Golden ale's ! Stocking the "Hall of Shame" with a couple of cases of the Northwest's finest brews they started their morning.
The Gorgeous Columbia River Gorge
One of the first tour stops that morning for Mike and Bone as they headed along the Columbia River Gorge Parkway, is one of the coolest waterfalls in Oregon,,,,,
Takin' a Shower in Multinomah Falls
During his visit at the falls, Bone realized that he had been lacking in good personal hygiene, so he decided to take a Bone-chilling (pun intended) run through the falls for a quick show, to ensure that he met some bare minimum of cleanliness.
Mike and Bone checking out the Gorgeous Gorges of Oregon
Why are flies attracted to horse fertilizer? Don't really know,,, but is the same reason Mike and Bone are attracted to climbing hills. After checking out some of the beautiful Oregon terrain, the boys semi-consciously headed for the first of the Cascades dormant volcano's, Mt. Hood.
Mike and Bone's Idiotic Assault on Mt. Hood !!!
With absolutely no equipment except a few extra beers in their jackets, and even fewer brains, the boys embarked on a 6 hour climb to the base of the summit of Mt. Hood.
The Glacial Fields of Mt. Hood
While at the top of their climb, Mike noticed that one of the interesting things about being so far up, its cold, dry, very windy, and desolate. Unfortunately it also freezes beer!
The very cloudy Mt Hood Summit!
Despite the "fun" the boys were having climbing and sliding around in a semi- drunken stupor on the mountain, they didn't realize that this was the same mountain where 8 boy scouts and their parents froze to death, only a month before on a similar such hike. Fortunately for the boys, they didn't face a sudden snow squall like the scouts so were able to not have to expend the remainder of their pre-thought out anti-freeze medicine (Rainer Amber Ales!!)
The dug-out path of the rapidly receding Glacier on Mt Hood
During the 2 hour climb down the boys noticed the "path" that the Glacier left, they later found out from a park rangers that the glacier was receding 7 to 8 inches a day, which in geologic time is very fast, however the boys beer reserves where receding faster so they increased their speed of descent.
"I can see for Miles and Miles, and Miles, and Miles! "
Being born and raised mid-westerners, Mike and Bone always marveled at the vast vistas presented to them when traveling. When you are born on ground flatter than a pancake, and raised anywhere near the Ford Rouge Plant, seeing long distances is something that your just don't get in Metro Detroit.
By 5:00 in the evening the boys had been playing on the mountain for 8 hours, having not eaten since breakfast at the diner they were famished. In striking up a conversation with a National Park Ranger (always one of the boys favorite past times!) they learned of a local steakhouse that would tend to their needs.
Wholly Cow !!! What a' Steak! !!!, Per Ranger "Bob's" suggestion, the boys walked into a quaint, woodsy local tavern. Having ordered up a few local brewpub ales, they requested the special steaks, having no idea of what they were about to get.
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing !!, While the boys were enjoying their brews they noticed their waitress laboring to bring out on iron skillets the two largest 50 ounce steaks they had ever seen in their lives. It was not the best of steaks (a tad greasy) they had ever had, but was by far the biggest.
By the time they completed their steaks and a few more rounds of beers, it was pushing 10:00 PM. Having been up late the night before and up early, the well-fed lads retired in order to pick up Hadrian the next morning.