Day 1: Moron's in Maine

Main Page  > 1998 Oh My Cod !!! Its New England Tour ! >


The Boys started from Grand Rapid to Detroit,,,, then to Baltimore,,,, then finally on to Providence Rhode Island on Southwest. Where their desire to be cheap cost them the better part of the Friday by not arriving until 2:30 in the afternoon in Providence !! They landed in a cloudy and chilly Providence, stiff, sore, and sleepy, just ripe for a three hour car drive !!


Finding Providence in Providence

Right after landing, Mike and Bone rented a car  then rushed immediately to the nearest party store, to provision the Official 1998 Hall of Shame, which they stocked with a case of fine English Newcastle's and Bass Ales, for the arduous journey to Kennebunkport Maine. 


Doing 85 on 93 in 98

While fortifying themselves with fine British brews, the Boys blew by the cranberry bogs of Cape Cod, through Boston, made it through New Hampshire,  and finally into the outskirts of Kennebunkport in only three hours, when the first stumble of a trip occurred....

Whataya mean there's no room at the inn?!?" Mary to Joseph Arriving on a holiday weekend in one of New England's most bucolic seaports will absolutely guarantee you a frantic, two hour scramble to find a place to crash. Luckily the Boys found a rambling, old-style camping lodge 20 minutes north of Kennebunkport, which wasn't optimal for partying in town, but would lead to a very interesting story later in the evening. After procuring lodging, the Boys headed down into village to see if they could find work as either village idiots or since they were in Maine, Lobstermen !  


Lotsa lobsta' boats in the Bay! 

Not finding legitimate work, Mike and Bone signed up for a Lobstering tour, which entailed cramming six tourists into a small Lobster boat and motoring amongst the lobster traps. The Lobster-men that conducted the tour talked about how that despite the ever-increasing harvest of "Lobsta's" (as they drawl) due to demand, that the population seemed to be growing to keep up with that demand.   


Views of the Kennebunkport shoreline from a Lobster Boat! 

The hour long tour also provided the boys with a dazzling view of the rugged Maine coastline and a tour of Ex-Presidents Bush house on the point. The Boys were close enough to the shore to see people on the front lawn waving back to the other tourist on the boat.


"Barbara !! Put up the storm shutters !!  Mike and Bone have been spotted in Kennebunkport !!!

George Herbert Walker Bush  

The Lobster-men brought to the attention of the  Boys that when George and Barbara fly the Texas State Flag, along with the American flag, it signaled that the Governor of Texas (George W. Bush) was visiting!


Kozy Kennebunkport  

After an hour long tour on the water, Mike and Bone had worked up a mighty thirst, which they sought to quench in the first Brew Pub in view, which they found immediately after walking off the Lobster Boat ! Ordering up a few Bass Ales, the Boys dickered with the locals about their "neighbors" George and Barbara Bus!. Interestingly, the locals were quite fond of the Bushes and apparently every so often, George would sneak out without his Secret Service detail during non-tourist season to the very Pub the Boys were drinking at and have a few pints of beer with lunch with the locals. Since the Bushes had been in Kennebunkport long before George became President, the Bush family had a lot of local friendships that they had maintained for over their 30 years in Kennebunkport. 


Lusting after some Lobsta!!  

With the day rapidly fading and being in Maine, the Boys needed lobster sustenance and needed it quickly. Unfortunately it was Dinner time, and downtown Kennebunkport was a madhouse with lines out the door at all of the nicer restaurants. Dejected and hungry, the Boys started north to the Lodge fully expecting to have munch McDonald's when they stumbled upon one of the coolest, most genuine lobster shacks in New England, Nunan's Lobster Hut !!   


Lusting after some Lobsta!!  

Nunan's Lobster Hut was the real deal. Owned by "Ma Nunan", the boys (well into their forties) go lobstering from April to November, seven days a week. They trap em' during the day, and boil them every night. For $8 bucks you get two, huge lobsters, a ear of corn, a dinner roll, and one pickle chip (!?!) on a paper plate. The enormity of this delicious deal was not lost on the boys. In addition to the meals the Boys order to huge 40 ounce beers which was the perfect compliment to the boiled bugs.

Joe Nunan, a REAL Lobsta-Man! As the Boys were leaving they noticed that the Kitchen door was open. Peeking in through the Screen Door, there was this huge fellow pulling boiled lobsters out of the boiling hot pots with his bare hands !!! The amazed Boys introduced themselves to the cook who turned out to be the owners son, Joe, who was one of the lads that spends his time from April through November, 7 days a week lobstering for Ma, from 4:30 in the morning to 3:00 in the afternoon. Then, he cooks from 3:00 to midnight cooking !!

Based on the Boys Sila's experience, Mike asked him how the heck Joe could pull boiling lobsters out of a pot with his bare hands !!!?!  Joe, who was a very cool fellow showed Mike and Bone his heavily calloused hands with fingers the size of a salami !!

Stuffed with "bugs" and the great story of Joe, the Boys slowly headed up the Coast to the only place they could find in the area, a rambling, old Wilderness Lodge in the middle of nowhere, 20 minutes north of Kennebunkport. !   


Kozying with the Kennedy Klan  

Mauling some 18 year-old MacCallan:  En route to the Lodge the boys procured case of Bass Ale and a beautiful fitfh of MacCallan 18 year-old, single malt scotch to provision them against the depredations of the wild. Checking in to the Lodge, the Innkeeper was a very attractive 50ish Blonde with piercing blue eyes, mouthful of white teeth, and a very familiar square jaw. Immediately flirting with her, the Boys asked if they could party on the roof of the Lodge and would she join them, with absolutely no expectation that she would do either. At first she protested, but after continuous cajoling and whining, she surprisingly relented. She told the Boys to have fun on the roof, but she had to work.


Twenty minutes later the Boys saw a ladder set up for them and climbing up to the roof of the old Lodge, the Boys dragged the Hall of Shame, the Scotch. To their amazement there were three lawn chairs  and a crackling fire in a portable fire pit for them to have their private party. As they poured their first glass of the pure goodness of single malt scotch, Mike and Bone observed that the Northern woods were lit up like a Christmas tree with the stars bright as day.

Around 9:30 as the Boys started their third round of booze and brew, the Innkeeper climbed up the ladder to take advantage of the Boys offer for a drink. Her name was Kathleen Kennedy and she was a recently divorced mother of a teenage girl. Her family helped her buy the Lodge as a income for her and her daughter.

As Kathleen continued on about her family she mentioned that as a child she spent her summers at Hyannisport, the Summer home of the Kennedys. Kathleen turned out to be the first cousin to Jack, Robert, and Teddy Kennedy ! True to her Kennedy lineage, Kathleen could pound the booze with ease. She easily kept up with the Boys and helped them drain the entire case of beer and fifth of Scotch. By 2:00 AM, the booze gone and all three wobbled down the ladder to called it a night!