Day 1:    Totally Aggie-vated

Main Page > 2005 Houston, We have a Problem !!

Mike and Bone landed in Houston Hobby to kick-off the "Houston, We have a Problem" Tour to an extremely hot ,humid afternoon, whose temperatures were well into the 100's. With a vague idea of what they want to accomplish in this second Tour of Tehas, the Boys decided to grab a quick lunch and determine their options.


Gettin' the religion: The Hall of Shame's HEBrews

Pappas Brothers bogus barbeque. With a "hankerin" for some ole fashion "Texas-Style BBQ," the Boys were counselled out of the Houston Hobby Airport with a "great tip" on one of the best BBQ's in the area, Pappas Bros. There, the boys ordered the "Special" platter which consisted of extremely ordinary beef and pork cuttings, smothered with a BBQ sauce that was only one degree better than Open Pit.

Leaving the extraordinarily average lunch with a bout of boisterous belching, the boys were thirsting adventure and a meaning to life. The little joy that always gives life to the boys is a few beers from the infamous, Hall of Shame !!! Stocking up with Mexican Modelo's, Corona's, and Pacifico's, the Boys were now "outfitted" for the arduous journey ahead in the high heat and humidity. So with their thirst for beer slaked, the boys were now able to entertain their "thirst" for adventure !!


Mike and Bone, ready to help General Sam Houston at the Battle of San Jacinto  

"Hey Santa Anna! Up Yours !!!" General Sam Houston In the spring of 1836 newly-minted General Sam Houston and his meager Army of Texas retreated eastward following the fall of the Alamo and Goliad. Because of the losses, his un-trained troops were becoming increasingly impatient by the time they reached Buffalo Bayou, a few miles southeast of present day Houston and itching for a fight.

On the morning of the April 19, the Texans crossed over and marched down the right bank of Buffalo Bayou to within half a mile of its confluence with the San Jacinto River. Here, the army prepared their defenses on the edge of a grove of trees. Their rear was protected by timber and the bayou, while before them was an open prairie.

On the following morning, Mexican Dictator and General, Santa Anna came marching across the prairie in full battle array. A volley from the Texan's "Twin Sisters" artillery brought him to a sudden halt. Falling back to a clump of trees a quarter of a mile distant, Santa Anna formed in line of battle. Colonel Sidney Sherman, at the head of the Texas cavalry, charged the Mexican army, but accomplished little except to inspire the Texans with fresh enthusiasm for the following day.

The 21st of April dawned bright and beautiful. The main forces of the Texas army were there, totaling about 750 men. They faced over 1500 of the enemy, secure and flushed with pride at the offense they had enjoyed for the previous few weeks against the Texans. Early in the morning, Houston sent Deaf Smith, the celebrated Texas spy, with two or three men, to destroy Vince's bridge over which the Mexican army had passed, thus cutting off their only available escape.

Around 4:30 with the afternoon sun shining in the Mexican's eyes, Houston's long awaited order to advance was given, and the wild-eyed Texians did not hesitate. When within seventy yards the word "fire" was given, the Texan shouts of "Remember the Alamo" and "Remember Goliad" rang along the entire line.

Within 20 minutes, 700 Mexicans were slain, and the remainder fleeing to the four corners, with another 730 taken as prisoners.  The next day Santa Anna, attempting to disguise himself as a private, was taken before Sam Houston who negotiated with Santa Anna on giving Texas its independence for his life. Thus the Battle of San Jacinto ended.


Sherman's Advance, Left Wing Infantry of the Army of Texas

Mike and Bone spent the next two hours hiding from the broiling afternoon heat and humidity in the Museum of the Battle of San Jacinto, sweating profusely when viewing the full woolen Mexican military uniforms. After viewing a documentary about the Battle (without popcorn !?!), the boys decided to head North to avoid the Heat and check out a College town, College Station !!!


The College Station Invasion

In past adventures, Mike and Bone have had way, way, way too much fun in college towns, so hitting College Station was a natural stop for the Tour. College Station is the home of Texas A&M, which was Texas’s first public institution of "higher" education and was opened on Oct. 4, 1876 as the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas. Mike and Bone weary from the long day were both a little sleepy after the long day, however compared to the comatose city they just entered, they needed Ritalin!


Bonfire of the Vanities

They say the best way to extinguish a fire is to douse it. The Boys first stop of the College Station Invasion was to pay respect a the 1999 Texas-Texas A&M Bonfire Tragedy Memorial. The Bonfire is a 90 year old tradition that has  been a prelude to the Texas/Texas A&M Game. On the early morning of November 18th, A stack of several thousand logs collapsed, killing 12 students and injuring at least 27 others. The Bonfire was cancelled that year. It was to have been ignited on Thanksgiving evening as a prelude to Texas A&M's November 26 morning football game with The University of Texas.

With great reverence Mike and Bone stood before the hallowed ground of the Memorial.  A monument dedicated to hard-drinking college football fans, loving their Red-neck Team. Despite being in a near religious trance, after the 2-hour drive from Houston, and the great diminishment of the Hall of Shame, the boys hearts were overfilled with pity and bladders with "liquid". What happened next at the Monument was an out-flowing of love and liquid for the lost fans.

Relieved, Mike and Bone fervently believed that somewhere, the deceased fans would understand and appreciate their small offering, or so they hoped.


Texas A&M's Kyle Field, The Home of the 12th Man

After checking in to the traditional Hotel "Sleep Cheap", Mike and Bone went to check out whether Texas A&M's football stadium, Kyle Field was anywhere as kool as the Big House in Ann Arbor. The home of the 12th Man is not even in the same league as the Big House, and not anywhere as friendly, and the boys were to soon find out.


"Excuse me !

Mister Coach Sir ?!

Would you and your Team pose for a picture?"  

Life is filled with those monumental events that start with innocuous little choices. A small choice has been known to ultimately turn into a divorce, death, or a distended stomach from a bad pork chop. In Bone's case it was a simply taking a picture of Kyle Field during a Aggies Football Practice !

As Bone was innocently snapping pictures through a gated entrance to the stadium, the Aggies Head Coach and the ENTIRE team saw the flashes and dispensed 3 players to track down the potential, nefarious Texas Longhorn spy. As Bone strolled  back to Mike the three down linemen caught up to Bone and did not see a Longhorn spy, but a mighty confused Wolverine !! After explaining that the Aggies used the Stadium for practicing (unlike Michigan, who has a Practice Field) and that practices were closed to the public, Bone deleted the picture with the players since it wasn't that big a deal to him and in relief and gratitude the players invited the Boys down on the field afterwards (as pictured above).

It was truly unfortunate that the whole episode left the Texas A&M Coach, Dennis Franchoine, very Aggie-vated.


"It Tastes Like Dixie Chicken"

With all the testosterone and excitement about a simple picture, the Boys had worked up an appetite which was stated at a piece-of-garbage Mexican food franchise, Over-The-Border. After a completely under-whelming meal, Mike and Bone decided to see if this old college town of College Station had any nightlife.

Not Really The Boys parked on University Avenue in the Heart of Campus, to perform some recon on a cool party place. Now in Ann Arbor, there is block after block of great places to check and hang out in. Sadly, in College Station there were only two blocks of bars, and they were pretty grungy at that, so after a couple of Shiner Bocks in a questionable bar called the "Dixie Chicken", the boys crashed at midnight, un-impressed with College Station and college life at Texas A&M, or better put, now Mike and Bone were Aggie-vated.